Spending Time With God

My name is Monica. I’m a 20 year old 2nd year college student. From August of 2015 to May of 2016 I was a missionary in Syracuse, New York with Hard as Nails Ministries.  Hard as Nails (HANM) is a Catholic evangelization ministry that reaches out to youth and their families with a message of hope. Their message is: “You’re Amazing” not because of what you have done or what you look like but because of Jesus who died for you. They go to schools, churches and men's conferences all around the world giving hour to hour ½ talks. The role that missionaries play is that they help out in the office with office tasks, go out on the road, talk to kids, pray with kids and basically are like older brothers/sisters at the events.
My experience cannot be summed up in one word or even 100. It was absolutely incredible. The thing that changed the most through my experience was my relationship with God. When I came in to HANM God and I were cool but our relationship wasn’t that deep. It was like that acquaintance you see at church on Sunday's. You wave to each other, say hi sometimes but never take time to sit with each other and have a heart to heart.

That all changed when my team and I started doing daily holy hours. We did a holy hour together every day for a year. During those times in prayer at first when I sat down I would be like, “Hey God.”Awkward silence... “okay moving on.” I was uncomfortable with silence and not used to just sitting and being. As the months progressed however, I started listening and I started asking God questions - deep questions. One of the questions I kept coming back to was: “God why do you love me?” I’m going to be honest: I struggled deeply with that question. In life, I have heard, we are our own worst critics and that’s definitely true with me. When I looked at myself all I saw were flaws and weaknesses. God slowly started opening my eyes and His answer was: “I love you.” Period. Just because. And there is nothing you can say or do to change that. I wrestled with that and struggled but as soon as I accepted it I felt an awesome amount of peace and I was able to step into my most important role: an unstoppable, beautiful daughter of the King. As the year drew to a close I found myself more willing and able to accept His love for me.

Fast forward to a month after I got home in May. I was in desolation. I felt alone and was struggling with doubt. I was highly encouraged to pray but I found myself drifting. You see, during those 2 ½ - 3 months that this dry spell lasted, I forgot what I experienced at Hard as Nails. I forgot the immense amount of love God had shown me throughout the year.  I forgot to let God do the fighting for me. I gritted my teeth and dragged my own cross. I was like a 2 year old crossing her arms, saying “I can do this on my own.” God let me walk like that for a while, then He stepped in and said “Monica, you don’t have to do this alone. Let me carry this with you. Remember the girl you were when you were there? You are still the same person but most importantly I am still the same God.”

This is the most important thing I’ve learned since being back home. The God that I fell in love with, that I let love me, is still the same. I am the one who walks away and tries to separate myself.
Recently, I started going to daily holy hours and mass again. I now have the most joy and peace since I left in May. All I had to do was go back to the Source- Jesus.

To all the girls (and guys) who are reading this, I want you to pause for a minute and think about this question: Do you believe God loves you? Not “yeah I guess” - but have you ever deeply pondered just how much He loves you? If you haven’t I challenge you to do so. Go to an adoration chapel, sit in front of the Lord, and ask Him what He thinks of you and how much He loves you. I promise you, He will answer. It may not be right then and there but He will in the most unexpected and sometimes ordinary ways.

I read a story once about Saint Teresa of Calcutta.  (I don’t know if it’s true or not but I think it’s beautiful.)   She was walking along a seashore and asked God about His love and her sins. He granted her a vision which showed her sin as a drop of water and His love as an ocean.

His love for you is so deep it’s hard to comprehend and even imagine.

My closing question to you is: Will you accept God’s love today?

This post was written by our guest author Monica McNamara.